Getting Unmarried

My divorce was final on November 7th. It went by without much fanfare. I went to dinner with my parents and some dear friends. Mexican food, my fav! We toasted to new beginnings.

But how do you go about getting unmarried? There is so much prep and pomp and circumstance in getting married in the first place. Is getting unmarried basically receiving the official divorce papers in the mail? I feel like when you are getting unmarried you are basically erasing the person you planned to love, until death parted you, from your life.  All the memories, pictures, things collected along the way are all sorted into piles - burn, deal with later, Goodwill, trash, etc. It all seems so sad.

But is it? This is the part that you get to rewrite your "happily ever after". This is the part where you get to find yourself again. Learn who you really are, or at least become reacquainted with her (or him). I'm reading a couple books right now and I came across this wonderful quote in one of them;
"More than anything else, I want myself. I want to live with integrity and truth. I'm not going to hide the jewel of who I am, nor will I mask my imperfections. No bargains, no avoiding reality, no conning myself, no lies." I reread it several times, I will not hide the jewel of who I am! I will not let my sparkle be dulled! I will not mask my imperfections, I am who I am, if you don't like it, don't let the door hit ya! You have to love yourself before anyone else can. I am loving myself again.

Rewriting your happily ever after takes time. I'm still healing. I'm still crying, though way less than I was. I am still hurting. But I am dealing with it. Yes, I miss the man I married. I miss the companionship. I miss a lot about him. I get lonely. But I'm healing. I'm making myself whole again and that also takes time.

The Christmas season is upon us and I am having a hard time getting into the spirit. I want to ho-ho-ho it up but my bah-humbug keeps creeping in. I've always loved this time of year and I know ultimately I will end up embracing it, I mean I have been watching the Hallmark Christmas channel after all. I have even bought Christmas presents. I've dipped my toe in the Spirit of Christmas I just haven't' committed to the full on swan dive. I know in the end I will jingle all the way into the new year. I will celebrate new beginnings and new happily ever afters.

I do. I did. I'm done. 

Cheers to rewriting my happily ever after.