A Year in Retrospect

A year ago this Saturday, tomorrow, I found out my husband was cheating on me.

One.

Year.

Ago.

A year ago I never thought I would get through it.

A year ago I could not fathom my life without him.

A  year ago I was broken.

What a year it has been. The roller coaster has been hard. There have been lots of ups and downs. Lots of downs. Lots of tears. I just couldn’t imagine how else my life could be. But today, while still sad on many levels, I am also very happy that this new chapter of my life is one that I can write however I choose to. I have found that my friends are more amazing than I could ever have imagined. They make me a better person, they lift me up when I can’t lift myself, they let me cry while softly reminding me that I am a strong independent woman. They are as important to me as the air I breathe. I also have made new friends that have brought laughter back into my life, music that feeds my soul, camaraderie in an emptiness that needed filled. I am thankful and truly blessed for every single one of them.

This year I have learned that I am stronger than I thought. I have overcome so many things this year it amazes me. I sometimes just want to yell out, “I am woman hear me roar!” I realized that I was more lost in my marriage than I thought. I was so focused on him that I forgot to be true to myself. I really am awesome. Several of my friends remind me of this often, and at first I was mostly just “ya-ya’ing” them. But when I really take a good hard look, I am pretty fricken awesome! Honestly, I am not trying to sound conceited when I say that, but I am awesome. I give with my whole heart. I would do just about anything for the people I love. I will always try to find the silver lining in a situation. I try to brighten the day of people I cross paths with. I’m reminded of Daily Affirmations with Stuart Smalley (from Saturday night live), “ "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me."

There’s a poem I learned when I was younger. I remember writing it over and over on an art project for my mother. A simple poem, that I didn't really understand when I learned it.

The world is like a mirror

reflecting what you do

and if you face it smiling

it smiles right back at you

It is such a simple poem but the implication is enormous. As many of you read in a recent Facebook post of mine, I was walking the park and a woman stopped me to tell me that she appreciated my smile. She went on to say you just never know when someone may be having a hard day or really struggling with something and she just wanted to thank me for smiling at her. This is the poem in real life!!

So, as I face the next year of endless possibilities I am facing it with a huge smile and am expecting nothing but awesome to come my way. This is the year of ME! As I write this next chapter I know it’s going to be fantastic. I am dealing with the emotions that may sneak up, and I am letting myself have them. I am healing. Something I didn’t think was possible a year ago. I stand here today a strong amazing woman and I deserve the happiness and joy that is coming my way. I am worth it.